I advocated for the actor’s unions-Actor’s Equity Association and Screen Actor’s Guild-to broaden their LGBT-related efforts to combat discrimination against Don’t Act, Don’t Tell in casting. I wrote articles about how this casting phenomenon-which I called, Don’t Act, Don’t Tell-takes place in life as well, with a severely damaging impact-especially on people who are L, G, B, or T, but also on everyone. I put together a short documentary about how actors-especially men, whether they are gay or straight-are considered by casting directors to have failed the second they “sound gay” (meaning their voice does not conform to heteronormative stereotypes of masculinity). As well as audiences who rarely, if ever, see themselves on stage or screen. This not only provided more creative possibilities for me but also for a variety of artists whose voices (literally and figuratively) had been muted. I started a theater company with the mission of casting actors against type and to share stories about marginalized lives. (No, Matt Damon, staying in the closet is not the answer).
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Though some gay actors are effectively creating their own opportunities to play a variety of roles (gay, straight, masculine, feminine, and everything in between), such as the makers of the entertaining series East Siders. And that’s what sucks for the gay guys.” Little has changed today. As casting director Brette Goldstein told me in 2008, the thing about the gay roles on television and film is that “You’ll often have straight men playing them. But he was able to talk like himself, even while playing a queeny, “fairy,” “faggot,” like me. Don’t get me wrong, he is wonderfully talented and deserves to be working among the other great actors in the film. For instance, a classmate from conservatory-who used to tease me about my effeminate mannerisms, BTW-was eventually cast as a gay activist in a big award-winning movie, based on a big award-winning play, about gay lives. And I could no longer take the insult of watching colleagues with “tough guy” personas get cast in gay and/or effeminate male roles. Plus, the rewards were too brief and intermittent to make it worthwhile.
But once rehearsals began, the producer warned me that the audience might not believe I was in love with Juliet and that I should “work hard to convince them…” By which he meant, “Butch it up!” (PS: I never had trouble being in love with that Juliet, only with sounding like the producer's idea of a “tough, straight, dude.”) (Good thing I only had one scene.) I was also cast as my dream role of Romeo at a regional theater. But upon seeing me hanging out on set between takes, talking like myself, the casting folks seemed instantly mortified and concerned.
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I booked a small role in a movie called Outside Providence in which I (ironically) played an (ostensibly straight), highschool bully. (The Boston Globe wrote that I was “a good macho lunkhead” in a play I did about teen angst.) But 99% of the time the magic would fade once I was cast, revealing me to be a guy who could occasionally hide behind a deep voice, but who generally presented as “gay.” This would elicit disappointment and discomfort without fail. The voice did help me to land a few great jobs. But to lose it was to lose my cloak of invincibility and to be criticized for sounding effeminate (which was like being called “Faggot” as a kid all over again). My acting became fake if I used the voice for too long. My posh, British, voice teacher advised, “Dahling, with a face like Peet-ah Pan, and a voice like James Ehhl Jones, you’ll never wahhhk.” But when I let go of the voice, teachers, directors, and fellow actors would (always) tell me to “butch it up!” It was like struggling with a shower that was either too hot or too cold. I was told that having a big, unnatural voice was not going to help me book roles in contemporary theater and film. At least not when I used the voice for extended periods of time.
It’s great for an actor to have a bass register (or even to sound, as some might unhelpfully say, “straight”) as long as he also sounds like a real person. So I had to somehow integrate my voice with my authentic self. I was now training to make a living as an actor, not just to make believe. But the magic voice could only take me so far.